Why won’t my kid share?! 5 reasons why your child has a hard time sharing - and how to change it!

As a parent, caregiver, or teacher, it can be SO frustrating when your kids won’t share. 

Sharing is a necessary life skill that kids usually pick up at a young age. But if your child has trouble sharing, it can make you want to pull your hair out and SCREAM! 

**Deep Breaths, Deep Breaths**

There are a multitude of reasons why your child might have difficulty sharing. Here are 5 that may be impacting your child’s sharing abilities:

Their brains aren’t developed enough yet!

Lot’s of caregivers think that kid should be able to share around the age of 2, but research shows that most children don’t learn to share until age 3.5 - 5. This is because their brains are still “selfish” and they haven’t developed the cognitive skills of empathy or “putting themselves in someone else’s shoes”. 

They haven’t had enough practice

Kids need time to learn how to share. And they need opportunities to practice! If your child has only had a few opportunities to play with other kids, or is just starting school for the first time, they may need more time and more opportunities to work on sharing. The more they get to practice, the more they will realize that sharing is a good thing!

Developmental delays or disorders may contribute

If your child has a speech delay or other developmental diagnosis, this may be contributing to their difficulty with sharing. Kids who can’t articulate their wants and needs may easily get frustrated, or not be able to say why they don’t want to share. Certain developmental delays and disorders can impact cognitive development, which may impact their brain’s ability to show empathy or understand the concept of sharing. 

It’s attention-seeking

Sometimes kids might not want to share to get attention! This may happen if your child is going through a significant life change (moving, new sibling, change in school, etc.) Your child may be telling you that they need some extra love or quality time by throwing a tantrum or not sharing, to get a reaction. Try adding in some increased positive quality time into your child’s daily routine and see if that helps!

They just don’t want to!

It’s important to remember that kids aren’t perfect. All kids have their own strengths and weaknesses. It takes patience and time when dealing with sharing difficulties. Did your child not sleep well the night before? Are they hungry? Are they going through a significant life change or did they just get the toy as a birthday present? Sharing can be difficult for LOTS of kids, and it’s okay if your child doesn’t get it right all the time. 

Here are some things you can try to help your kid share better:

1. Model, model, model!

Kids learn through watching others. Show them how to share by modeling it for them! Practice sharing while playing pretend, model sharing at the dinner table, or practice taking turns going down the slide at the park! They weren’t kidding when they said practice makes perfect (well… more like practice makes progress!)

2. Set a timer

Your child may be having a hard time sharing because they don’t think they’ll get the toy back. Setting a timer gives them a visual representation to know when they can have another turn.

3. Use a visual support or social story

Just like with modeling, research shows that kids often learn best when they are explicitly taught through practice or a story. Kids with developmental delays or disorders often benefit from using a concrete social story or visual support to increase their comprehension of a new skill. Check out this visual support and social story to teach your child how to share here!

Sharing is a skill that lots of children have difficulty with. They need time and practice to get better at it! 

Let us know in the comments if any of the above tips worked for your child or student!